THE SCIENCE OF HAPPINESS – TB’S first Inner Transition event for 2021

These notes were taken by Jillian, Jade and Kit, with an image by Jade.

Ulli Radtke led us into the practical and uplifting world of a course she took up (online) during COVID.  She was drawn to this free course offered by Yale Uni,  to counterbalance the heavy experiences she encounters in her job as a Mental Health nurse and mentor for suicidal youth.  Lucky those people who come into contact with Ulli….she told us a story of a gift, that one of them gave her – a broken bowl carefully glued together and the cracks covered with gold – to represent the self that was put together by her skill, love, and care.

The tips are simple, and numerous, and they were filled out with the encouragement of examples from her life and work, and discussion among the group who attended.

We looked at these angles:

• How the mind works
• What lowers our happiness
• What increases it

HOW THE MIND WORKS

• We get used to stuff (wonderful things are most wonderful, the first time)
• We are hard-wired to think negatively
• A fixed-mindset is not flexible, unlike a growth mindset
• We adapt to experiences – our happiness can wane

WHAT LOWERS OUR HAPPINESS

• Mind-wandering – thinking about the future rather than the present, becoming negative, going over and over the same negative thought (compulsive thinking) – We can learn to train our thoughts
• Fixed mindset vs growth mindset – people with a fixed mindset think that intelligence is fixed and cannot be improved – they expect to be able to do things easily, otherwise, they think there is something wrong with them; a growth mindset involves capitalizing on mistakes – we can develop a growth mindset
• Mis-wanting – we want things that don’t make us happy because we think things are better than they are
• Social media and other forms of media and online communication
  • Social media can have the effect of reducing self-esteem
  • Avoid watching a lot of news, especially about COVID or other negative topics
  • Surround ourselves with positive media
  • Make designated times for use of social media and e-mail, for example, the last 15 minutes of the hour
  • Boredom researcher Sandi Mann – Boredom can lead to brilliance
  • Avoid multi-tasking – it drains energy

WHAT INCREASES OUR HAPPINESS

• Daily meditation keeps us in the present – Allowing your mind to be quiet – Some people are very uncomfortable with silence and no distraction. Meditation curbs mind wandering, in our daily lives. Some are addicted to thinking and can’t let the mind go.
• Dialectic behavior therapy – radical acceptance of what is
• Believing we deserve good things
• Laughing – it keeps us in the present
• Living in the present
• Being content with what we have
• Letting go of worry about things that may not happen
• Gratitude and savouring
  • Thinking of different good things every day, not the same things all the time
  • Grateful people are more satisfied
  • Savouring experiences – be mindful, fully immersed in the present
  • Living each day as if it’s your last
  • Note that some people anticipate things and enjoy the anticipation more than the experience itself !

• Sleep
  • Our mood drops if we are sleep-deprived
  • Avoid blue light before sleep

• Exercise & Diet
  • Can be more effective than taking medication
  • Drink more water
  • Increase vegetable intake by 2 serves per day

• Experiences and Connection
  • Taking photos can prolong positive experiences
  • Acts of kindness and seeking out experiences are forms of ‘better wanting’
  • Smiling at people – smiling communicates to our brain, sending positive messages
  • Addiction is a disease of not being connected
  • People feeling validated
  • Finding like-minded people
  • Experiences – good memories last and you can make lemonade out of lemons when you have companionship
  • Experiences are less susceptible to social comparison than physical objects
  • Meeting with others for a common purpose
  • New experiences – not always doing the same thing
  • Familiarity can be a good thing
  • Simple pleasures
  • People these days assume that other people do not want to be disturbed – dare to make contact with strangers!
  • People are hard-wired for connection

• Journaling
  • For overcoming distress, releasing trauma, savoring good things, increasing wellbeing

• Reset your reference points
  • Avoid social comparison
  • Do not take good things for granted; imagine if we didn’t have the things we take for granted
  • Time affluence- value it
  • Prioritising time over money – taking time for ourselves

• Flow
  • Losing track of time, being fully immersed in an activity

RECOMMENDED BOOKS

• The American Paradox by David G. Myers
• Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer

Ulli ended the session with a 10 minute guided meditation on self-compassion.

Go well with your exploration of happiness!